t-volution

Today's Miracle

2011-11-23T11:43:00.000-08:00

Today’s Miracle

November 22, 2011

Today my client, after a session where she seemed quite distracted, told me, with tears in her eyes, that my mother had been in the session with us the entire time and she did not know whether she could/should tell me or not. She said my mother’s energy was very strong and she was very loud, asking my client over and over to please tell me that she was here and that she is sorry. She also asked her to tell me that “they” are always with me.

It will be the 8th anniversary of my mom’s death this weekend.

I am sitting here in my office now, feeling sort of numb. I know what I think this means and yet I’m not really sure what to think. The message was so simple and so I feel there must be more. But, even though “I am sorry” is a simple statement, it is also loaded with opportunities for interpretation. Is she sorry for the part she played in the issues I have been facing these past weeks? Or is it something more complex than that? And, if there is more to this message, maybe the understanding of what it means is yet to come. And maybe this is simply just another confirmation that I am in the right place, for now. Things lining up. Channels opening. Or maybe there is an urgency for this message to be heard now. Certainly my mom could have come into any previous session with this client, as I have been seeing her for several years now. I don’t know for sure, but what I do know is that it happened for a reason.

After my client left, I stood in my office and tried to feel my mother’s energy, but I couldn’t. I looked around to see if something caught my attention - a sign or a symbol or an intuitive sense about something I could do to connect, but nothing did. I spoke out loud to my mother asking for clarity about this message, but there was none.

It was just a gift in that moment, to be used as I see fit, I guess.

There have been so many remarkable occurrences since 11/11/11 that I am convinced that the gateway I passed through in my meditation at 11:11 on 11/11/11 really did lead me to a new vibration. I’m not the same person I was 11 days ago. I’m not making the same choices or telling the same story. And yes, crazy as it sounds, it was precisely 11 days from the time of my meditation at 11:11 on 11/11/11 to the time my client shared this information with me, sometime after 11:00 on 11/22/11.

If the one thing I have been asking the universe to help me with is to let go of my resistance, perhaps these occurrences are the evidence that this process is underway. If I am finally allowing myself to break through the barriers that have held me apart from my true “self”, then all of these things make sense. I am finding the courage to set limits and break old cycles. I have experienced the power and the ecstasy of opening my heart and releasing all that I have been holding on to. I am literally finding my voice and I’m able to listen and enjoy what I hear. I am able to recognize that the answers to the questions I seek are within me. I can accept that my “self” can remain present and need not disappear based on the feelings, the needs or the decisions of another. And I have been given a message from my mother that I never even imagined I needed to hear.

And, just like that, gratitude and forgiveness have replaced fear and doubt.

If that isn’t a miracle, I’m not sure what is.

"Solo" doesn't have to mean "Alone"

2011-02-07T20:44:00.000-08:00

SUDDENLY SOLO: A NETWORK OF NEWLY INDEPENDENT WOMEN

I know what it's like to live through a very traumatic divorce. During that time in my life, it became painfully clear to me that the support and resources available to women and their children are very hard to find and, even then, they lack the understanding and compassion that can only come from those who have gone through it themselves. I often felt alone, inadequate and, at times, unable to trust my own judgement. I desperately needed a support network that went beyond that of my well-meaning family and whatever friends I had that weren't too uncomfortable to talk to me. I knew very few people who could relate to what I was going through. I needed emotional, mental, physical, financial, legal and even spiritual support and yet I was too overwhelmed to find out how and where to get it.

Living through Separation and Divorce can feel as if you are on a runaway train that will take you to places you never imagined, nor ever intended to go. That is why I created Suddenly Solo, because I believe that women need a place where they can get the help they need, regain control of the process and, more importantly, their lives. Being newly independent can be a scary feeling, but Suddenly Solo offers women and their children a comforting and empowering alternative with unique social networking and events, emotional support from professionals and peers and practical support and guidance in the form of workshops, lectures,and resources.

Separation & Divorce Counselling

2011-02-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

Navigating through the upheaval of a divorce is overwhelming at the best of times and, more often than not, we can find ourselves sucked into an emotional, mental, physical, financial and even spiritual abyss.
Without proper support or a framework of values to work within, before you know it, the process can take on a life of its own and you can find yourself feeling as if you are no longer in control of your life and its outcome. Regardless of the circumstances, this is one of the most painful and difficult experiences you and your family will ever endure and, no matter how strong you are, you will need a steady supply of ongoing support and encouragement. Family and friends are well meaning, but they often lack the skills necessary to assist us effectively and, real or imagined, we can find ourselves feeling alienated from those we once relied on and for reasons that seem unfair or inexplicable. That is why it is most important to seek help as soon as, and, if possible, even before you have made the decision to separate. A compassionate therapist with experience in separation and divorce is an invaluable partner in helping you develop your vision for the future and stay true to your values and principles along the way. In addition, if you are planning to or have already entered into the legal system, this can add even more complex issues and decisions into the mix. Even the most compassionate and experienced legal professional is not a skilled therapist and entering into the legal process too early or without adequate information or emotional support can be a painful, slow, expensive and often unnecessary way to learn how the system works and what your options are.

The service I offer to indivuals, couples and families is multi-faceted in its approach. My greatest wish is that I meet you early enough in the process so that I can assist you in examining all of your options in a clear and honest way. Leaving a relationship or a marriage is a decision that is often influenced by hidden factors as well as obvious ones, and I feel it is crucial to have as much information as possible and to understand that this decision will effect the rest of your life in ways that you might not have considered.

In the event that a separation is unavoidable, I will then help you and, if possible, your spouse, get a very real picture of what to expect. Together, we will identify your goals and create a vision based on your individual and collective needs, values and priorities. We will address the emotional and practical issues associated with your unique set of circumstances and design a framework that will address all relevant issues such as creating and adjusting to new relationship boundaries, expectations, financial concerns, living arrangements, how/when to tell the kids and others, co-parenting arrangements, property, friends and family, choosing a legal process and more.

It is my belief that, with ongoing emotional support and a rational, disciplined and value-oriented approach to separation and divorce, couples and families can dramatically reduce the duration and long term effects of this traumatic experience.

Fear

2010-09-03T16:22:00.001-07:00

    “I’m so afraid. Please, god help me. I fear I’ve made some terrible mistakes and     that I am somehow heading for a disaster of huge proportions.”

Believe it or not, these are the first few lines of a recent journal entry of mine. When I wrote this, I was battling an episode of fear that was so crippling, I could not go 5 minutes without feeling intense panic and a sense of doom. Given my reputation for optimism and my ability to find learning in every challenging experience, many might find it hard to believe that I would be capable of going to such a dark place. Thankfully, I can recall only a few times that I have felt like that in my life, but nevertheless, under certain circumstances I have found myself in the grip of a fear so unbearable, it made me question my worth, my choices and everything I believe in.

If I were to explain how I got to that place, I would have to say that it seems to be set off when I perceive that there is some threat to my ability to meet the basic human needs of my family (food, shelter, etc.). This must be a very deep core issue for me because, In almost any other situation, I am a pillar of strength and yet when this issue is triggered, I somehow develop an irrational fear-based thought process around it.

If you have ever felt this kind of fear, and I’m guessing most of us have at some point in our lives, it is important to understand that, even though we do not want to encourage fearful thoughts, we must also recognize that when these “dark nights of the soul” do happen, they are a necessary part of our process of self discovery. In my case, even though I felt quite powerless at the time, there was still a part of me that was able to view myself and my thoughts objectively and try to assess what was going on for me emotionally. But I was still caught in a “thought loop” because there were very real circumstances that needed to be dealt with and I had no idea how to fix the problem. Every time I succeeded in distracting myself from the negative thoughts, the reality of the situation would become obvious, once again, and I was sucked back into the pit of desperation.

Over two weeks passed before I was finally able to regain my power and change my thoughts, but my rational mind was reminding me all along that the more I allowed myself to indulge the fearful thoughts, the more I was reinforcing them and giving them power. I knew I was attracting more of what I did not want, and because I was able to recognize this, it gave me the strength I needed to keep trying over and over to reject the fearful thoughts and eventually come up with a plan to banish them entirely. And this is really the key here. The reality of the situation has not changed but my perception of it has. I can now think the same thoughts that would have made me panic a week ago and still feel calm and in control.

It is remarkable. I would even say it’s a miracle!

    “Please help me. I need a miracle. Show me the way. Tell me what to do and I’ll     do it. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t     want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to be in the dark anymore. Please help     me find the light and stay there”

So, what changed?

Well, first, I wrote that journal entry which ended up consisting of over 2,000 words by the time I was done. That was on a morning when I woke up and the panic started the moment I opened my eyes. I knew I could not get through the day unless I did something and the only thing I could think of was to write. I was hoping it would purge the feelings and make me cry. I needed to cry so badly but I had not been able to for weeks.

    “I wish I could cry and unlock all of this terror, but I can only seem to manage a     few stray tears that leak out. What I feel inside is like a dam that is ready to burst,     but its so strong and immoveable right now. Maybe, on some level, I worry that if     I let it go, I’ll completely fall apart.”

As I wrote, I allowed myself to verbalize all the most horrible thoughts that had been going through my head. I blamed and berated myself for every choice I had ever made. I told myself that I was being punished for all my mistakes and I called myself every bad name in the book. Reading it over now, I realize that I had to get out in the open all the secret things that I blamed myself for and had never really acknowledged. It all seems ridiculous now, but when I was in the darkness, I really believed it.

Then, I questioned how I could have made such mistakes, been so foolish, stupid, selfish etc. I questioned my motives and my beliefs and where they had got me. And next came the apologies. I said sorry to everyone for every thing I had ever done. After that, I began to ask what I could do to make it right again and realized that I had to forgive myself before I could move on.

By then, I had become calmer and it was then that I began to make statements about what I needed and wanted. I asked to feel better, for answers, miracles, understanding and growth. I asked for help.

When I was finished writing, I meditated for the first time in months.

That afternoon and the morning that followed, each of my two best friends visited me. We shared our pain and we wept together. I felt more honest and deeply connected to each of them than I have in over 35 years of friendship. I had been “broken open” and it allowed me to embrace our friendship and be present on an entirely new level. I was reminded of how we are all living through our own versions of hell at some time or another and that our suffering can take up so much of our precious time and energy if we let it. I felt such gratitude and compassion for them and for myself. I felt whole again.

Since then, I have continued to meditate every day. The problems I am facing are still there, but now they seem manageable. I am organized and productive again and I have regained my trademark Optimism (thank god!)

As horrible as it was to live through, I’m grateful for the experience. I feel stronger now and I have learned more about myself in the process. I realize that there is a deep psychological connection between my new role as a single parent and my experience growing up as the child of a struggling single mother and the learning continues...

This week's Inspired Living Post

2010-04-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

For my new Inspired Living segment on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show, it occurs to me that I have created a whole new job description for myself:

Look for everything that’s good in the world.
Talk about it.
Write about it.
Teach others to do the same.

What could be better than that???

This is the first in a regular series of articles I will be publishing which focuses on "Real People Living Inspired Lives". I will share with you some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life and I will also be encouraging you - the audience - to email me or the show and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring so I can follow up on it and perhaps include it in an article or on the show. Go to www.thebuddhaloungeshow.com to share your experience.

Regardless, I hope you will check in with this blog or the show for your regular dose of Inspiration.

Synchronicities and Benevolence

It happened on Good Friday. A beautiful, warm, sunny day. Thinking all the stores would be closed, I donned a pair of old flip flops and ventured out to do some window shopping and grab a coffee. To my delight, many of the stores were open and Yonge Street was alive with people. With every step, I became more appreciative of this glorious day.

At one point, I stopped into Chocky’s to find some socks and underwear for my boys. As I meandered about the store, the sales clerk was extremely helpful and we chatted as she assisted me. Then, a woman and her two daughters came in and I overheard her asking if they had any flip flops for sale. This caught my attention because mine were in pretty rough shape and I had thought about getting a new pair. The sales clerk said she did not have any flip flops and the woman went on to say that her boots had given her blisters and that’s why she needed the flip flops. I laughed to myself, thinking about how amazing it was that this random event revealed two synchronicities. First, it was just this morning that I had thought about throwing out my flip flops and second, it was only the day before that I had been speaking to one of my kids and recalled with affection how, in my younger years, I often preferred to walk on the city streets in my bare feet. It just seemed so obvious to me. I should offer my flip flops to her.

The woman was very appreciative of my offer, but was not about to take the “shoes off my feet”. Of course, I completely understood, however it would have made me very happy if she had taken me up on it. Nevertheless, we struck up a conversation and it wasn’t long before yet another synchronicity was revealed.

We discovered that the woman and her daughters knew my son, Ryan, but that was no real surprise. Ryan knows everyone. What really gave me goose bumps was when they told me that Ryan had become a hero of sorts when, after a party one night, he was in a fast food restaurant and saw one of the local thugs trying to sell a stolen cellphone. Ryan recognized that the phone belonged to his friend (one of the daughters at Chocky’s) and, knowing how upset she had been by the incident, he decided to buy it back for her. Needless to say, I was very proud to hear that Ryan had performed such a benevolent act but even this did not really surprise me. Ryan has always been that kind of person and while I would certainly put Ryan’s good deed and general good nature high on my list of things that Inspire me, on this day, there was another simple, unexpected bonus which made my heart sing.

The woman, her daughters and I chatted a while longer, and made plans to keep in touch. They left the store and I went to the counter to pay for my items. The sales clerk, who had overheard our conversation, smiled and asked me “Are any of these things for Ryan?” “Yes”, I said. “As a matter of fact, they are!” “Well, then”, she said, “I think both of you deserve a discount. You, for offering the shoes off your feet, and Ryan for getting that girl’s phone back.”

I have to say that I was practically speechless. This sales clerk really had not investment in what she overheard, and yet she felt inspired enough to make the gesture. I don’t know if she was the owner or an employee, so I hope she doesn’t get in any trouble for giving the discount on that basis. Rather, I’d like to add Chocky’s to the “Inspired Living Friends Network” and encourage everyone I know to shop there.

Thanks to Chockys (2584 Yonge St, Toronto), Marsha & Co, and Ryan.

Clarity

2010-04-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

Just came across this today. It's from May 7, 2009 but was never posted. Must be a good reason for that.

CLARITY

Funny, how breakthroughs often happen without warning. There we are, living our lives, struggling with the difficulties that are thrown in our path and begging the universe for a break in the drama. Sometimes it seems as though there will never be a resolution to our problems and we feel defeated, powerless and maybe even hopeless. But then, one day sunny day in May, we find ourselves sitting across from our best friend who is going through challenges of her own and, as we try to help that friend gain clarity about her situation, we find ourselves blown away by our own wisdom.

That’s what happened to me today. Twice.

Now, for those of you who know me, its not unusual for me to sit there spewing a monologue comprised of various anecdotes and personal insights, and this time was no different except that the ideas that I was expressing came through so strongly and clearly and with such energy and conviction that we both knew it was more than just me talking. It was truth.

But that, in and of itself, is not really so remarkable. We have all experienced moments of such absolute clarity that we wonder if we might be tapping into some greater sea of consciousness, right? And I believe that we all have that power, whether or not we know it or believe it. So, what was so interesting about today was that, as I spoke, it became evident to me that the level of clarity regarding my beliefs seems to have shifted suddenly. Its as if I have reached a new level of understanding about (dare I say it) the meaning of life and, even though I haven’t felt very connected to my source recently, it seems that the spiritual work has continued behind the scenes without me even being aware of it. I had been so distracted by my circumstances over the past two years that I had neglected my spiritual practice almost completely and for me, having served as a guide for others to stay connected to their spirit, I felt that I had not only let myself down, but that I had not been able to practice what I preached to others and that was very troublesome to me. I kept wanting to regain my footing and waited for inspiration to return so I could have the focus to take action and feel as if I was in control of my life again, but the whirlwind that had taken over my life had its own agenda and it was all I could do to just hang in there until the storm blew over. Throughout this process I did understand that there were significant lessons I was learning which had to do with trust, letting go, taking risks, relinquishing control, shattering old beliefs, discovering my truth etc... and the insights were abundant. However, the chaos continued and so I questioned what it was I still needed to learn. There was still a piece that I must have been missing.

Today, the skies cleared and I realized what that piece was. That piece is called Surrender.
I’m beginning to think that the gift humans cherish so dearly is actually the one thing that prevents us from finding the peace and deeper understanding the we all strive for. What gift is that, you ask?

FREE WILL

I’m going to let that marinate for a while.

Inspired Living Segment to Launch on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show, hosted by none other than "Yours Truly"!

2010-04-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to announce that I will be joining host Natasha Dern on Newstalk 1010's Buddha Lounge Show for a regular segment called "Inspired Living with Tracy Richards".

The focus of the segment will be "Real People Living Inspired Lives" where I will share with our listeners some of the truly Inspiring People, Places, Events & Stories that I encounter in my everyday life. I will also be encouraging our listeners to email us and let us know who or what YOU think is SO Inspiring that we should include it on our show.

I was Inspired to do this segment because of my passion to help others discover that we have the power to create a better life. So much is going on on the planet and in our world and so many of us are experiencing a great deal of upheaval. We may feel overwhelmed by what is NOT going right, which creates more of the same, so I thought that, instead, we need encouragement to look for what is GOOD about our world!

So, I'm inviting everyone to tune in and listen to our first two segments on Sundays, beginning April 25th 1-2 pm & May 2nd 1-2 pm. The Buddha Lounge also airs a rebroadcast the following Saturdays @ 8-9 pm, so don't miss it!

Please direct comments or questions about the show to:
Tracy Richards
c/o the Buddha Lounge Show
Newstalk 1010
info@thebuddhaloungeshow.com

The Little Voice

2010-03-01T15:22:00.000-08:00

In the past three years or so, it seems that the world has exploded with new ways of communicating. In early 2007, I had never sent a text message and had barely heard of Facebook, but by May of that year, my reliance on both those mediums had grown incredibly. A major reason for that was the Jarvis Reunion, because I had reconnected with so many people with whom I wanted to stay in contact. I would later realize, however, that there was one person I found at the reunion that I didn’t even realize I had lost touch with. That person was me.

At that time, I was married with 4 boys, living in an affluent suburb. I had a grand home, a cottage in Muskoka and my children went to private school. I owned a Wellness Centre, was a practicing Psychotherapist and had been growing spiritually for over a decade. I had worked hard over the past 20 years to create my “ideal” life and I don’t think anyone, in their wildest dreams, would have imagined that 3 years later I would have separated from my husband, sold my business and moved back downtown...least of all, me.

It’s not that there were no warning signs along the way. There were many. But, I was determined to believe that this lifestyle I had created would eventually lead to happiness, and even though there had been a little voice inside me, all along, saying, “this isn’t you”, I chose to ignore it.

What happened in the few months surrounding the Reunion literally ended up changing the course of my life. During this period I encountered several major challenges. First, I had a life threatening health issue, which made it necessary for me to take a leave of absence from my business. That led to a financial crisis which, coupled with my health concerns, added to the tension in my already troubled marriage. It seemed that the little voice inside me was tired of being ignored and had been replaced with an emphatic scream. I needed a wake up call, and the universe was determined to get my attention, once and for all.

Being in the company of people whose only experience of me had been 30 years before, I realized that who they saw and who I had become were two very different people. Its not that I had become a bad person. In fact, the opposite was true. Over the years, I had devoted myself to becoming the best version of myself that I could and I believe that I had succeeded. I had no issue with the woman I was now, but the girl I had been in high school had somehow disappeared.

Seeing myself through the eyes of those old friends gave me a very profound insight and one of my life’s greatest gifts to date. It came at a time when my inner world was in peril and I was broken down and vulnerable. I was looking for answers to why this was all happening to me and because of that I was open to seeing who I was from another perspective. It helped me to understand what the little voice inside me had been trying to tell me all along: That, in the search to create my ideal life, I had become focused on “becoming” something or someone new and improved. I had suppressed what I believed to be the imperfect parts of myself because I thought I needed to protect myself from the pain of old mistakes and past trauma and to prevent myself from having to live through that pain again. In doing so, I became disconnected from the essence of who I was, which led me to feel incomplete. Even though my life had seemed perfect on paper, the little voice inside had been saying, “This isn’t you. It’s only part of you. There are pieces missing, and until you find them, nothing in your life will feel balanced.” The more I continued to ignore the little voice, the further I drifted away from my true self. But eventually, the little voice enlisted some backup from the universe and I finally started listening.

What unfolded as a result of this insight was far from simple and over the months that followed it became clear to me that, in order to become whole again, I would have to make some very drastic changes in my life. Unfortunately, that meant bringing a few chapters to a close. The process of selling my business and ending my marriage proved to be painful beyond comprehension and yet I managed to get through it, comforted by the fact that I was finally listening to my heart. It has not been easy and I would not wish that kind of pain on anyone, but I have never once doubted that I was doing the right thing, and that I find remarkable. There is a kind of certainty I have now that I did not have before, and that comes from embracing all the aspects of myself, the good, the bad; the dark and the light. I no longer think in terms of what I am looking for to make me happy but rather, what I already have. I am committed to the discovery of my own truth and I continuously challenge myself to just “be who I am”. The skeletons in my closet have all been revealed, and I’m not ashamed of them. After all, they helped make me who I am today, and I’m proud of that person, warts and all.

Most importantly, I do my best not to ignore that little voice any more. It is the voice of my inner truth, authenticity, and integrity its the best way I know to find my way on this journey.

"There Is A Voice Inside Of You
That Whispers All Day Long,
"I Feel That This Is Right For Me,
I Know That This Is Wrong."
No Teacher, Preacher, Parent, Friend
Or Wise Man Can Decide
What's Right For You- Just Listen To
The Voice That Speaks Inside."

- Shel Silverstein

The Journey: a Poem by Mary Oliver

2010-02-13T17:46:00.001-08:00

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver ~

Goals & Law of Attraction

2009-12-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

This note is in response to one that was forwarded to me by a friend recently, which I felt needed some clarification in terms of how Law of Attraction works. I have included the original note at the bottom of this post.

Mr Sivers’ note seems to be focusing on the "announcement" of the “goals”, rather than the intention itself and, in my mind, there is a clear distinction between a goal and an intention. A “goal” is defined as "The purpose toward which an endeavor is directed; an objective" and, while the word "intention" is often used interchangeably with the word "goal", when we use it in terms of "stating your intention", we are talking about a mindset that exists in order to achieve a desired outcome, rather than the outcome itself.

While Law of Attraction does say that knowing what we want is crucial to the process of manifestation, it does not suggest that we make public declarations about our goals. While stating our goals to others can feel helpful, and studies show that written goals are much more likely to be achieved, it is not at all necessary to “tell” anyone about them. In fact, it can actually be counter intuitive if the declaration is being used as a way to "convince" ourselves or others of something that we don't really "believe" is possible. If we are inclined to announce our goals, we may think we are doing so as a way of holding ourselves accountable but, in reality, we may just be doing it to cover up the fact that we aren't really committed to them in the first place hence, Mr. Sivers’ suggestion to ask a friend to “kick my ass” if I don’t lose 20 pounds is quite relevant.

If we use Mr. Sivers' example of eating healthy meals as being a successful goal, while going to the gym as being unsuccessful, we have to first examine what the "true" goal was and add to that what the underlying "belief" is regarding that goal. If the "true" goal was to be thinner, then there may be a "belief" that only one of the methods was really necessary in order to achieve it. Even though the person knows or agrees that going to the gym will help him to lose weight, he or she may not really feel that a commitment to it is possible, either because of an aversion to exercise, a belief that they just can't/won't do it or simply because, deep down, they just don't place as much value on fitness as they do on thinness and healthy eating.

Law of Attraction says "that which is like unto itself is drawn" and that simply means that what you give your attention to is what manifests. So, in this scenario, the formula using Law of Attraction would begin with a very honest assessment of what it is you "truly" want. If it is to lose 20 pounds, then why do you want that? Is it for health? To find a partner? To be more accepted in society? To look better? Once you know the goal beneath the goal, or the "true" goal, you can then identify your "intention" and, in doing so, set more appropriate, and therefore achievable, "goals". If the "true" goal is for health, then the next step is to begin thinking of all the reasons "why" you want to be healthy and what that will feel like and look like to have it come true. Say to yourself “wouldn’t it be nice if…?” and imagine how your life will be different and what will be possible once you have achieved this goal. Look for examples around you, of other people who inspire you in this area, especially those who may not have been likely to achieve this goal, but did it anyway.

The next step is to “ask” for what you want and this is where the declaration comes in. It is one thing to know that you “want” something, but in order for the Universe to do its job (which is always, without exception, to answer “Yes”) we must actually “ask” for it. This can be as simple as saying the words to ourselves out loud or in our heads or writing them down as a list of goals. Again, it is not necessary to tell anyone else about it. In that moment, your desires are granted.

The next step is to make sure your thoughts and beliefs are in alignment with what you have asked for. To help with this, you must be open an willing to see that what you want is possible. As the song says, "All the Proof you'll ever need is all around you" and this applies to much more than just the Divine. It applies to EVERYTHING. All you have to do is look for the evidence and you will begin to notice it everywhere (this is what we call "synchronicity"). THIS is when your goals start to really seem "possible".

Now, when you begin to see this evidence, let yourself get EXCITED, not only for what is possible but for what exists in you, ALREADY. Begin to look at yourself and what you can identify as the success that you have in this area. Most likely, you will find that you are quite healthy, and you just need to "tweak" a few things to really "step into" your picture of total health. Once you appreciate what you already have, taking it to the next level seems much more "doable". This is called the "rampage of appreciation" and is a critical stage because it helps you to bring forth positive emotion about the goal and ANYTIME we feel emotion about ANYTHING, the stronger we are attracting it. (That works for negative emotion, too. The more we dwell on something we don't want, and indulge our negative feelings, the more we attract it, because we are focusing on it and "energizing" it even further with negative emotion.)
So, when you are excited about what is you begin to send out a "vibration", that is a better "match" to your desires, and once you are a “vibrational match” to what you want, are in alignment with it and it has no choice but to manifest in your reality.

Lastly, be aware of what provokes your negative feelings and beliefs about the goal. It’s possible that certain actions or behaviors that “should” be helpful only serve to add to your stress and cast further doubt about whether you can achieve this goal or not, especially if it’s something that, deep down, you don’t believe will work. For instance, focusing on “healthy eating” rather than “diets” has been proven to be a more effective strategy, largely because dieting causes you to focus on precisely what you are trying to have Iess of: FOOD. So, what are you attracting? MORE FOOD!

Putting it simply, it’s like wanting to hear a broadcast from 1010 AM and then setting your radio dial to 99.9 FM. The frequencies don’t match up. It’s not that 1010 AM isn’t possible to tune into, it just takes awareness in order to know how to tune into that particular station. Likewise, your thoughts and emotions are frequencies and they have to line up with what you desire.

So, why not try this? Start with something small that you have little emotional investment in. Be careful, because if you are skeptical, you will be sending out a contrasting vibration which will inhibit the process (like the “static” when two stations are close together and you can hear them both but neither comes through clearly). See if you can practice the above techniques in relation to this goal. Do this for a couple of days and let yourself be open to finding the evidence to support it. It takes practice to master it, but it will be well worth it, I promise.

"Shut up! Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them"

A note by Derek Sivers, 2009-06-16

Shouldn't you announce your goals, so friends can support you? Isn't it good networking to tell people about your upcoming projects? Doesn't the “law of attraction” mean you should state your intention, and visualize the goal as already yours?

Nope.

Tests done since 1933 show that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen. Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you're less motivated to do the hard work needed. In 1933, W. Mahler found that if a person announced the solution to a problem, and was acknowledged by others, it was now in the brain as a “social reality”, even if the solution hadn't actually been achieved. NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer has been studying this since his 1982 book “Symbolic Self-Completion” (pdf article here) - and recently published results of new tests in a research article, “When Intentions Go Public: Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap?” Four different tests of 63 people found that those who kept their intentions private were more likely to achieve them than those who made them public and were acknowledged by others.

Once you've told people of your intentions, it gives you a “premature sense of completeness.” You have “identity symbols” in your brain that make your self-image. Since both actions and talk create symbols in your brain, talking satisfies the brain enough that it “neglects the pursuit of further symbols.”
A related test found that success on one sub-goal (eating healthy meals) reduced efforts on other important sub-goals (going to the gym) for the same reason. It may seem unnatural to keep your intentions and plans private, but try it. If you do tell a friend, make sure not to say it as a satisfaction (“I've joined a gym and bought running shoes. I'm going to do it!”), but as dissatisfaction (“I want to lose 20 pounds, so kick my ass if I don't, OK?”)"

Dear Clients, Colleagues and Friends,

2009-12-03T09:31:00.001-08:00

Hello there! It has been a while since we were last in touch and I wanted to let all of you know that I am alive and well and in the process of many new and exciting changes.

As some of you may be aware, 2007 was a year of incredible transformation for me. Within a few months I dealt with a serious health issue, saw my 19 year marriage come to an end and began a major shift in my professional life. As a result, I felt it best to take a partial leave of absence from my psychotherapy practice so that I could give full attention to my physical and emotional health, my children and our adjustment to the massive upheaval that was taking place in our lives. In the spring of 2008, I also made the difficult decision to close the doors of Soul Spa.

As we move into the holiday season of 2009, I am happy to report that my health, my personal life and my professional life are flourishing and I am in an active process of rebuilding my practice and my personal and professional network. I have a new name, a new location and a new website (www.tracybrichards.com) where you can view all of my up-to-date information, including links to my Blog Articles, Twitter Updates, upcoming Club Sangha: Gatherings to Inspire Soulful Connections events and more!

I hope that you will take the time to drop me a line, give me a call or check out my site. I’d love to know how YOU are doing and I’m eager to connect with each and every one of you so we can share insights about this amazing, roller coaster ride we call LIFE!
I am very fortunate to have found the inner strength that it took to make it through the many challenges in my life and I am grateful for these personal experiences because they have made me more qualified and committed than ever to helping others do the same.

Not surprisingly, my client base is largely made up of individuals and couples who are dealing with issues in relationships and who seek a better understanding of themselves so they can experience authentic, “conscious” relationships. I have also received training to assist low to medium conflict couples who are already moving toward separation by helping them find a “comfort zone” regarding their issues and facilitating the creation of a co-parenting arrangement and help minimize the emotional stress and confusion for their children.

If you feel that you, or someone close to you, can benefit from my services, I would be happy to help, I am presently available to see clients in York Region on Wednesdays and have recently opened two more days at my new home office near Mt Pleasant & Eglinton.

I look forward to hearing form you soon. Until then, as always, I wish you

All the Best!

Carpe Diem

2009-11-15T16:58:00.000-08:00

CARPE DIEM

We have become a wasteful society. It is so easy for us to indulge ourselves in unnecessary things for the sake convenience, pleasure or merely distraction. We create or procure much more than we need and then discard the leftovers in favour of the next indulgence. We can’t seem to get enough of what we want and end up with too much of what we want to get rid of. Today, I realize that goes just as much for our emotions as it does for anything else.

Last night, I attended a wake for an old grade-school acquaintance who recently took her own life. Even though I did not know her very well, nor did I have any contact with her in the last 30 years, I was compelled to attend the wake and pay my respects, nonetheless. I’d be lying if I said that my decision didn’t have anything to do with the fact that she died by her own hand. I suppose I feel that there is something sacred about suicide that makes it more important than ever for me to acknowledge the life that was lived. It’s kind of like when our fallen soldiers are brought home from war and people from all over gather on the overpasses along the Highway of Heroes to say a final farewell. It doesn’t matter if you knew that soldier or not, you just have to be there. That’s the way I felt last night.

Whether it be Peace on earth or Peace within, there is woeful irony in the lives of those who knowingly make the ultimate sacrifice in their struggle to maintain it. What makes one of us choose to put his life on the line and fight for a cause while another ends her life because she feels she has no fight left in her?

As I think about the friend whom we honored last night, I recall the many conversations with those who knew her best, and it gave me a greater understanding of what kind of person she was. They described her as incredibly smart, talented and strong. Someone to emulate and look up to, even a kind of “mother figure”. Not exactly what you would expect to hear about someone who had taken her own life. It made think that they could just as easily have been describing me and, while I don’t feel there is any chance that I would ever commit suicide, I do recognize that the deeper the pain I am in, the harder it is to reach out, even though I would likely be characterized as someone who “has it all together”. I couldn’t help but think about our friend and wondered if she might have described herself that way, too, not so long ago.

Many said they knew that she had been suffering recently and they expressed feelings of guilt and regret about not being more proactive and involved, but I’m not sure anyone could have predicted the ultimate outcome. We get so good at putting on a brave face and protecting others from our struggles and when we say “I’m fine” we want to be convincing enough for them to believe us. We may know we need help and yet, how do we find the courage to let our true vulnerability show in order to get it? Therein lies the paradox.

Hopefully, the rest of us will never know what it feels like to want to end our life but it makes me think about what we can do to make sure we never get to that point.
I know many people, including myself, who have occasionally fallen victim to the debilitating grip of hopelessness. We all know what it feels like to be in pain and to wonder how and when it will ever be resolved. In theory, we want to be happy and we will naturally look for ways to help us feel hopeful once again. But, for some, there is an even greater struggle and perhaps a tendency to indulge in what I have come to view as “emotional wastefulness”. There can be a seductive quality to certain negative emotions because they serve to validate distorted beliefs about ourselves and in turn, give us a feeling of security, not because they feel good, but because they feel familiar. The pain of these feelings is no longer a deterrent, because it also gives us an escape from accountability and an excuse to avoid taking on responsibility for anything but ourselves, and there is a great degree of relief in that, for sure.

However, this way of escaping accountability can become a habit and, whether we realize it or not, we find ourselves identifying with it. It becomes part of our story about “who we are” and we even find ourselves defending our right to be “sad”. The time we spend on these emotions becomes “wasted” because, even though these emotions may be cathartic at first, the concern lies in the reliance on them as an effective way to avoid moving forward. It is further enabled by others who, out of compassion, are inclined to put their needs and expectations of us on hold until we’re feeling better.

In truth, I think we may have another energy crisis on our hands but its one that our society has yet to become acquainted with. As human beings, we are only given so much emotional energy to expend at any given time and its amazing to me how so many of us spend so much time indulging our negative emotions and then wonder why there’s so little energy left for feeling good. We have become “ emotionally inefficient”, allowing ourselves to spend too much time processing our negative emotions and too little time looking toward that which gives us hope. It would serve us better to focus on things that inspire us, bring meaning to our lives and are just, plain FUN, thus investing our energy in a way that can only yield positive results.

Recently, my friend and I have been creating an “Adventure List” of things we want to do together because we realize how short life is and we want to “do it all”. An “adventure” is anything new and different that we want to experience and every time I have a free day or weekend, I mark my calendar and choose something from the list, depending on how much time there is or what is possible, given that day’s circumstances. So far, it has allowed me to learn new things, meet new people and has given me a sense of freedom and accomplishment, even from something as small as deciding to explore new neighbourhoods by sampling the coffee from independent cafes around the city once or twice a week.

There is so much I have yet to experience and, after last night, it hit home more than ever that if I want more of the good stuff, I have to spend less time lamenting the bad stuff, when it comes. “Carpe Diem”, as they say, because in reality, every day can be an adventure. It’s all in how you choose to look at it.

Become a follower of t-volution

2009-04-13T17:08:00.001-07:00

Now that you have read (and hopefully enjoyed) my posts, why not become a follower? I promise it will be fun and inspiring! Just use the "followers" gadget on the right side of this page to join. Here's welcoming you in advance!

My Sinai

2009-04-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been thinking about the story of Moses. He's a dude that seems to have been following me for quite a while, showing up in meditations, with his long, white beard and Hebrew robes looking just enough like Charlton Heston so that I would be sure not to mistake him for anyone else.

It's Easter Monday as I write this, and I'm all excited and nervous to be starting this new blog, but all I can concentrate on is the "Pokemon" theme. My nine year old son, Julean, is hanging off the end of my bed, bouncing up and down in rhythm to the music emanating from the blue Nintendo DS that has been glued to him for the past week and a half. My stomach is in knots. Why is it that, whenever I decide to do something that will fulfill a purpose in my life, there's always some other urgent or distracting item put in my face that can't be ignored?

I've created an atmosphere where my boys can feel that I am accessible 24/7, which is fantastic, but it makes it really difficult to get any privacy when I want to have an hour or two of uninterrupted time to focus on anything that requires solitude. It can really drive me crazy sometimes. I wonder if Moses ever felt that way.

As my son stomps back and forth across the floor in response to my requests for him to let me concentrate, I ask myself "What the hell is the lesson here?"

Back to Moses.

The other day, I had a real heavy insight about what significance Moses has for me, or as Oprah says, I had a "light-bulb moment". As a result, I think I finally understand why he has been showing up as a guide for all these years. To be honest, when I see him, I question it because I wonder "who the hell I am to be having Moses in my meditations, anyway"?

The insight happened when I was blow-drying my hair and thinking about my divorce. I was contemplating how amazed I am by how my ex's family has completely ex-communicated me. It being the Passover season, the story of Moses and the Jews being cast out of Egypt immediately came to mind and as I thought about it, the comparisons just came flooding through. Here's an excerpt of my journal entry for that day:

April 5, 2009
"I understand why Moses is guiding me because the story of Moses is very similar to my own. I have been cast out of my adopted family for reasons that I can only attempt to understand. And even though it is painful, it is a small price to pay for the deep understanding and freedom that has come on this journey of discovering who I really am. Even though it means relinquishing my rights to the "throne" and being an outcast among those people who took me in and whom I came to know as family, I have no choice but to realize that the only loyalty I can depend on is that which I have for myself and where I came from. I can no longer be ashamed of my heritage and the way I grew up. I must embrace and stand up for the parts of me that have been apologizing for all these years. Through discovering my value, regardless of my circumstances (then and now) I can lead by example and help others out of the bondage of their self-recrimination."

Since my separation and the other catalytic events of 2007, I felt for a long time as though I had disappeared, wandering alone in the desert, like Moses. I felt lost and forsaken and truly questioned my faith on all levels. I needed to shut down, in a way, and learn that I no longer am, or need to be, in control of the outcome of my life. Instead, I needed to learn to let the Universe take over and discover that when I can let go and trust the guidance I am given, I am always taken care of. Living in Love, keeping the bigger picture in mind and finding the lesson and the meaning of the difficult times are the only ways to get thought them.

So now, I feel like I'm (finally) climbing the mountain, my own version of Sinai, to hear the guidance that will get me through the long journey ahead. My people (friends, family, colleagues, clients) are wondering about me...where I have been for all this time and when I will be back to help them continue our journey together in search of a greater experience of peace, harmony, community, growth and trust.

I'll be back soon. Promise.

Yesterday, Julean and I saw Hannah Montana: The Movie. During the critical scene, when Miley, as Hannah, is giving a benefit concert to the Tennessee community where she grew up, she realizes that she cannot continue the deception (the secret that Hannah is actually Miley), especially to these people who she cares so much about, and reveals her true identity. She then sings a song that she wrote for them called "It's the Climb". As I listened, (and cried) I was reminded, yet again, of the synchronicity of the universe because the theme of the movie and the message of the song resonated so strongly with what I have been reflecting upon recently in my own life.

And the message is this:

Follow your dreams, remember where you came from and, no matter what you are faced with, keep on climbing. The view just gets better and better.

2009-02-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

Q & A from the Thornhill/Richmond Hill Post Article March/09

Post: How did you become interested in inspired living?

Tracy: That’s an interesting question. The truth is that I’ve always been a Seeker...of experiences, relationships, and what makes people tick. I’m a pleaser by nature and so I developed very keen skills for how to determine what others needed at a very early age. It was a way to manage my environment and keep myself feeling safe. I felt that it was my job to “fix” everyone and everything. (It’s no wonder psychotherapy came so naturally to me). However, as I became more self-aware I began to realize that being focused on others’ needs and emotions had prevented me from finding out what makes ME tick. This, I believe, was the missing link between me and the peace and contentment I had been seeking. I didn’t really KNOW myself because I hadn’t really wanted to LOOK at myself for fear of what I would find. So I kept busy trying to live up to an unrealistic ideal of what my life SHOULD be, instead of really asking myself what I WANTED it to be.

I began living an Inspired Life about 12 years ago, after the death of my step father. That experience was a wake up call for me. Before that, I think I had been sleepwalking” through life, going through the motions based on old patterns, conditioning and unrealistic expectations of myself as a woman, wife, mother. After my Dad was gone, I realized over time that something was incomplete in my life and as I became more self aware, I saw that he had been a major motivator for many of the choices I had made, some of which did not reflect the deeper values that I held. When he was gone, I questioned if the life I had created was really working. With that awareness, I became committed to learning more about who I was and that journey has allowed me to get closer to myself, know my truth, forgive myself for all my flaws and thus, learn to really love and accept myself for the first time. I’m still a work in progress, but I now allow myself the freedom to be who I am and I try not to judge myself too harshly for the mistakes that I make, because with each mistake comes the blessing of wisdom and growth. I am now building a new foundation based on a sense of wholeness and a deeper understanding of my Self and my purpose in this world

Post: What is you educational background?

Tracy: After high school, I went to Ryerson for Business. I was headed for a career in the restaurant business (my step father was a well known Toronto restauranteur) but I changed directions to pursue a more stable career in marketing. I left that career when I got married and was a stay at home mom to my 3 boys for 10 years but, after my step father’s death, I felt I needed more. I enrolled in the Spiritual Psychotherapy Program at Transformational Arts College in Toronto (www.transformationalarts.com) and by the time classes had started, I was 3 months pregnant with my 4th boy! I then went on to do Advanced Studies in Dream Therapy, Past Lives, Homeopathy, Meditation and Energy Work. I have also been studying and teaching the principles of Law of Attraction (of The Secret fame) for more than a decade.

Post: What are you doing now?

Tracy: I am recently separated and am now embarking on a new Chapter in all areas of my life, including my professional work. I no longer operate Soul Spa as a Wellness Centre, but I still see private clients at the same location which is now known as Yonge & Wellness, 7756 Yonge Street, 2nd floor. I plan to expand my practice into the downtown area and I’m currently looking at a place in Carrot Common. My main focus, however, is to reach larger groups of people and help them discover their passion and purpose through my writing. seminars, workshops and events. I’m excited about further developing something I started under the Soul Spa umbrella called Club Sangha: Workshops and Events to Inspire Soulful Connections. The idea is to bring people together to socialize, discover and grow in meaningful and inspiring ways. We’ll be offering things like movie nights, retreats, personal growth workshops and seminars as well as opportunities for outreach in the community.

Part of what Club Sangha will introduce is a social support network for “newly single” adults called “Suddenly Solo”. This program will help to empower and uplift individuals during the often traumatic transition of divorce, or death of a spouse through networking, social events, support groups and self help seminars covering a range of topics from legal advice to how to hook up your computer. The focus will be to reinvent the experience of life after marriage and make it a powerful opportunity for transformation!

I’m also offering my signature Inspired Living program called “Project ME” where I mentor others on their personal journey of self discovery.

I am on the faculty of the Transformational Arts College.

Post: Any new, cutting edge services that you provide that I should know about? Please describe.

Great Question! Well, believe it or not, the MOST advanced and fool proof way I can suggest for truly Inspired Living is to be committed to finding our TRUTH. Now is the perfect time to connect to our deeper values and challenge our beliefs to find the real truth that lies beneath, because the world as we know it is changing before our eyes! From the environment, to the economy, everything is upside down and in turmoil and NOW is the time to clean house and build new foundations based on truth, rather than fantasy and love rather than fear. I strongly believe that the state the world is in right now is our greatest blessing because it is full of nothing but opportunity to creat the new world! That is the most revolutionary thing I can think of!

In terms of the services that I provide in relation to the above, all of my work is based on my own life experience, and I believe that I serve others best when I live and learn from my own Inspired Life! I incorporate all the insight and wisdom that I gain from my experiences into everything I do and try to lead my clients, and those I come into contact with, through my example. I think the best thing I can say about that is that I am far from perfect, and so I have learned the importance of practicing compassion for myself as well as others.

2008-08-04T15:29:00.000-07:00

My first mobile post!

Tracy on iPhone

__________________________________________________________________
Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!

http://www.flickr.com/gift/

2008-08-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

Tracy on iPhone

__________________________________________________________________
Yahoo! Canada Toolbar: Search from anywhere on the web, and bookmark your favourite sites. Download it now at
http://ca.toolbar.yahoo.com.

Hallelujah Lyrics (Leonard Cohen)

2007-10-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

Since my son's band, The Weathermaking Challenge, played this song for me by request last weekend, I seem to hear it everywhere (the Jeff Buckley version is in the movie "feast of love") and it rings in my head constantly.

I searched for the complete lyrics (there are 15 verses) and what I found, I felt needed to be anchored here...

Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah Lyrics

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?

It goes like this The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her

She tied you To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?

There's a blaze of light In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you

And even though It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Well, baby, I've been here before.
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.

But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, there was a time when you'd let me know
What's really going on below,But now you never show that to me, do you?

But remember when I moved in you,
And the Holy Ghost was moving too,
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, maybe there is a God above,
But all that I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.

It's not a cry that you hear at night,
And it is not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, HallelujahHallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah

Taking it to the next level...

2007-09-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness... What a universe!

I really should have been adding to this blog regularly because now the task of expressing all that has happened since my last entry seems daunting.

I began to write about my "cottage epiphany", which I had referred to in my Soul Spa newsletter, and somehow it never got finished..its an important piece to share, and still very relevant, but it happened in August! And boy, do I live in the MOMENT these days! So, I need to talk about TODAY, while its STILL today.

Today. The Full Moon. The Harvest Moon. I should have known it was creeping up on me. Every day over the past few weeks has been charged with emotion, movement, and a certainty that everything I was experiencing, no matter how difficult, was absolute perfection.

Since the Spring, and my series of health and personal issues, the main themes of my life have been as follows:

Re-connections: I have re-connected with old friends and with old parts of myself, which I had disowned out of shame and a deep belief that I had to "re-invent" myself, over and over again in order to belong.
Detachment: My recent experiences caused me to re-evaluate many of my "attachments" with people, things, ideas & behaviours. This evolved into me moving away from the things that did not serve me and which kept me from realizing my full potential.
Self Love/Acceptance: A MIND BLOWING epiphany that "I am WORTHY", "I am GOOD", "I am NORMAL" - precipitated by a casual conversation, the wisdom about a certain long-standing issue became clear and then everything was suddenly OK!
Truth/Honesty/Integrity: This one has been evolving over my entire lifetime but in one area, full disclosure seemed to be too great a risk..until I realized that I had been recently committed to taking risks all over the place, with astounding rewards and yet I had avoided the one area that could change my life more profoundly than I could even imagine. I knew then that in order to allow the Universe to show me what gifts it could bestow, I had to give it a chance and trust that would support and accept me. I was not disappointed.
Trust: I'm getting REALLY good at this and yet, the Universe has thrown me yet another exercise to further tone my "trust muscles". (This is where the blog entry "Adrift" comes from.) I realize that my only choice now is to surrender completely to the divine will and trust the process so unconditionally that I know I will be taken care of and that what is meant to be will be.... For me, this is another monumental challenge, as I have relied on my ability to control situations for as long as I can remember. I was born "in charge" of everything and everyone, or so it seemed. Everyone looked to me for guidance, direction, ideas, support...I have virtually built my life around this "truth" and yet, I know now with every fibre of my being that the bigger lesson now is - "Let Go and Let it Flow".

I'm ready - I really am. I feel as if I'm blindfolded, but I have other senses to rely on which will kick in when I need them - maybe its time to develop them further - like when I severed the tendon on my right hand and was in a post-surgical cast for a month. Part of the blessing in that was that I learned to do things with my left hand, which served to awaken the non-dominant side of my brain. I noticed profound differences during that time and I still try to use my left hand when I can remember to do so. So, even though I'm in the dark at the moment, maybe I shouldn't be trying to peek past the blindfold at all - maybe its...wait for it.... IN-sight ...that I really need. I know its corny, but its profound, isn't it?

I'll find a way to navigate through this and I'll keep the "Happy Plan" in play, making sure that whatever I do, I will do with the full expectation that I will be happy in the process (this is part of the "cottage epiphany", that I haven't finished writing about yet).

I will expect that miracles will happen moment by moment and day by day, because I have evidence that they have been all along and I no longer doubt it for a second.

And I will immerse myself in the depths of my inner self, and swim around, discovering more buried treasure, which I will bring to the surface and integrate into the structure of my already beautifully jewelled looking glass, so that when I gaze at my reflection, I will be reminded of my own beauty and magnificence.

And then one day, when I least expect it, there will be a sign, or a series of synchronicities, or an indisputable knowing, or what I call a "Tetris clunk" when you realize that something has finally fallen into place or MAYBE the answer will just "show up" in front of me...

...and THEN I'll know that the next phase is ready to begin...

Adrift

2007-09-26T19:19:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am.
Adrift.
Floating in the middle of the Sea.
I am alone
On a raft
No one here but me.
The anchor had been severed
Thank God
But now the Lifelines, too.
Even the Beacon's light is out
What am I to do?
The Moon is Full tonight
It Illuminates the air.
Still, no compass and alone
Edging toward despair.

Until the answer emerges
It has encircled me
Under the water
All this time
Like a shark
Waiting for me to
Surrender
Relinquish all control
TRUST

It rises up
Takes me down
To explore
Some more
So when it's time
I'll be ready

In Crisis

2007-07-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

Journal entry for July 8th, 2007

If I don't write, I'll die.

This is one of those days. One of those wretched days that is so unbearable to live through. Once of those days where I wish I could sleep right through till the pain goes away and the comfort of knowing how the bigger picture is being served by my suffering finally becomes palpable.

This process is both a blessing and a curse and one where the understandings often come at such a high price that it is difficult to draw my next breath. It causes me to go into such deep despair, down to that old, old place that I had forgotten was so wounded and real and excruciating. No wonder I shut away so many memories from the past. My god, who would want to live with the daily reminders of abandonment, judgement, worthlessness, and shame? How could any person function in this place? How will I function?

In this churning mess of emotion, all my illusions, my hopes and promises of happiness are being digested, all the savoury and the sweet, the spicy and the bitter morsels from life's banquet having been chewed up together and swallowed mindlessly in an effort to sustain me. My appetite was so great and my need so strong and I feasted enthusiastically. And now, here I am, waiting for this latest, most delicious indulgence to be stripped down and processed, for my soul to begin to assimilate what I need and for time and wisdom to eliminate the rest. The soul knows what to do. It's an involuntary process, brilliantly designed to serve us so that we may thrive and grow. Unfortunately, it's the body's job to deal with all the discomfort and the pain that comes with it.

Well, that was a nice metaphor, and it served to distract me for a while. But really, what am I going to do with this? How am I going to go about my daily business with this relentless aching that a river of tears cannot alleviate? (Believe me, I've tried) I'm in limbo and feel that I have no power to control the direction of my fate. The decision is in someone else's hands and, even though I trust implicitly that those are good hands (great hands) to be in, I wish I could exert some kind of influence on the outcome.

Its funny, really, how the tables seemed to turn so suddenly. One day I was leading the way, holding the lantern to illuminate the path before us, and the next day the tables got turned in what seemed like an instant and I find myself being taken gently by the hand and led by a new and fragile light, but one that gains more brilliance with every step we take together. I know I can trust it to take me where we need to go. There is so much love in that light, so much peace, so much integrity and so much power. I feel blessed that I have been chosen to walk this path. I ask only for the strength to hold onto my faith that it will lead us to the ultimate experience of Joy. God help me transcend these moments of doubt and despair and move me closer to the greater understanding of what the truth is.

I believed it when I said that I now feel it is impossible to really envision what the ultimate possibilities are. I commented that, to make a list, or to visualize what we want is useful, yet limiting. I do believe that we cannot know the magnitude of our potential at any given moment, because it continues to expand. The more we wish for and the more we learn to expect, the more the possibilities will continue to multiply. Our only downfall is that we get caught up in the limited perspective of what we think is possible, limiting the limitless, rather than trusting the infinite nature of the universe. We must stop fixating on the rules that we have been conditioned to believe exist in our reality. They come from our human need to control our environment, to stay safe in the circumstances that we have become familiar with (even when they limit us), and therefore stay small and unfulfilled. We are so afraid to even think outside the box and break the rules that society has built for us that we forget the history of why they were constructed in the first place - as a means to control the semi-evolved human nature in all of us.

Human beings are so unique in that regard. Animals need no rules. Every other species on the planet lives by instinct, rather than a set of laws and no form of intervention is ever necessary for them to thrive (unless it to fix what humans have damaged). Why then, can't we apply this simple and abundant wisdom to our own existence? Why have we been so insistent for so many millennia that we need to re-condition ourselves from the intuitive, instinctual beings that we are? Why do we complicate things so much?

I believe the answer lies within our process of evolution. For whatever reason, our species was chosen to evolve beyond that of our planetary co-habitants. Our soul evolution depends on what we choose to learn from the experience of being human, and therefore we are destined to create progressive scenarios in which to experience the fullness of ourselves. Because we come from Light, it stands to reason that many of the experiences we choose, as humans, will be in contrast to that which we already know. Since the beginning of time, we have been given challenges, both great and small, individually and collectively that serve to assist us in our personal, social and spiritual development. If we look at the origin of our species, we have to marvel at how far we have come in such a short time, relative to the age of our planet. It is important to recognize that at this point in our evolution, (especially in the year 2007) we are preparing to take a quantum leap forward, advancing at a rate that is equivalent to all that we have accomplished over the last century, but in just a few years.

Given this perspective, I believe we have no other choice - no - we have an urgent responsibility - to examine all of our beliefs and judgements about what is expected of us as individuals and discard anything that will prevent us from realizing our fullest potential. The rules have got to be broken in order for us to move forward. We have to understand that those rules don't work for us anymore, just as many of the rules our ancestors lived by only centuries ago had to be abandoned in order for us to achieve a greater sense of freedom and empowerment. We understand, in most parts of the world, that any kind of slavery or segregation only serves to dis-empower us all and yet, we still draw imaginary lines all over the planet to separate us into groups, belief systems and families designed only to enslave us, control us and, in turn, keep us from remembering the only thing that our soul really needs - universal love. We create wars, laws and systems to protect those lines and then we wonder why there is still so much suffering in the world and why most of us are still so lost and unaware of who we really are and what we are capable of.

I no longer believe that we are meant to break off into small groups that separate us from one another. We are meant to live together, free from the restrictions imposed by our perceived need to protect our assets. After all, this is precisely where the concept of what we now know to be the family unit came from. Originally, human beings lived in tribal communities in which all members worked together to sustain the group. There was no need to define 'who belonged to whom". Later on, as people evolved and began to collect more 'stuff" the concept of "ownership" came into play. Things became unbalanced, as some individuals continued to collect more and more in an effort to become more powerful over the others. The more they had, the more they wanted to be sure that their biological heirs would inherit their fortunes, and eventually found a way for their women to be prevented from producing offspring from any other union, and thus the "family" was born. What originated as an enslavement has evolved into a global acceptance that I believe goes against our inherent nature to love and share freely.

Over the last century, we have had many insights as to what steps need to be taken in order to live peacefully and harmoniously on our planet. For many, the utopian ideal of communal living has always seemed to be the answer, and I tend to agree with that notion. And it makes me wonder why this style of living is rarely embraced in modern society. I think the answer may be that we are still looking outside ourselves for a place or scenario that would offer us everything that our hearts desire. Perhaps the missing link is that we should no longer need to feel that we have to rely on others for our ultimate survival. Perhaps we must learn to understand that we have all the power we need to create our own inner world of peace and harmony, and that living in the company of others who are harmonious with our ideals will only be possible once we have found it in ourselves.
I want to suggest that the evolution of our species does not depend on how we can come together, make peace and save the world. It depends on each of us looking into our own truth, our darkness and our light, embracing the lessons learned and yet loving ourselves enough to seek freedom from the bondage of our fears, which only serve to limit us from becoming the greatest possible version of ourselves. When we can finally accept that we deserve to have all our greatest dreams come true and then have the courage to take the steps to set the wheels in motion, all resistance falls away and the universe will conspire on our behalf to facilitate the manifestation of our desires - easily, effortlessly and full of grace. All the barriers will disappear, the conflicts will dissolve and we will realize that we are all alchemists, with the power to transmute energy and experience, like turning lead into gold.

I have been given many opportunities recently to examine my own life and how I fit into the larger picture of the world and to those around me. My sense of belonging has been something I have been acutely aware of for my entire life. I continually ask myself: Where do I fit in? What is my role? How do I impact others? Who will love and accept me for who I really am?

I have been searching for the place where I belong for so long, that I began struggling to belong to anything that felt safe and familiar. I became determined to convince myself that I would be happy as long as I stayed in one place, abiding by one, widely accepted and conventional set of rules.

But since I began my journey of self-discovery, I have come to understand that the greatest gift I can give to myself is to BE myself, ACCEPT myself and LOVE myself and that the only responsibility I have is to BELONG to MYSELF. The more I practice this, the more I experience it in return and the evidence that I am on the right path becomes overwhelming. I am delivered newer, better feeling and expansive opportunities for giving and receiving love and acceptance, and I have NEVER felt so LOVED as I do today.

And now, here is the important part: All this did not come without my willingness, my effort and my ultimate surrender to risk losing what I told myself was all I needed and what I believed was all I deserved. Had I continued to follow the rules that I had enslaved myself with, such as a need to be what others wanted me to be or to 'do the right thing", I never would have had the chance to experience some of the most fulfilling moments of my life. Moments that, were I to draw my last breath a moment from now, I could honestly say made my life more complete than I had ever thought possible. I will celebrate these moments for the rest of my life and I will hold them as a testament to what each of us can have if we only have the courage to dwell in the possibility.

I feel better now,

Thank You

"Deserving"

2007-06-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

It's after 2:00 am and, even though I am dead tired and really should get my rest these days, I am compelled to write tonight.

To begin to capture the feelings I have about this chapter in my life would be like trying to breathe in every molecule of oxygen surrounding our planet. I don't know who reads this exactly, but it really doesn't matter. I'm offering this to whoever and whatever is out there as a testament to this magical, excruciatingly blissful and monumental "thing" the it am smack in the middle of. I call it a "thing" because there are no words to describe it accurately. It has so many facets, all of them a brilliant reflection of the many parts of me. Who I was, who I might have been, who I am and who I can be, all mirrored back to me in layer upon layer of...ME! I can't escape the intensity of my true self anymore and the amazing thing is that I don't want to!

As all-consuming as it is to stay in this place day after day and week after week, watching myself evolve before my very eyes, I do it because I have never felt so alive and so ready to fulfill my destiny. I notice the pull of the people and things in my physical reality, but I know there is so much more out there for me now. The richness of this experience is astounding, because it is telling me to reach for all the things that have eluded me for so long. I now realize that it was me who placed them way up high, just close enough to give me hope, but far enough that it would take effort and innovation to finally hold them in my hands. And now, somehow it is like I have grown taller and the shelf is not so high anymore. Maybe that's why I'm wearing high heels lately! But seriously, that is a significant thing! I have always been surrounded by people shorter than myself or not much taller, and I felt that I had to fit in and avoid the feeling that I was towering over them. Now my height is being celebrated and I'm noticing new and exciting things up here! I can look into the eyes of all the things that I want, all the things I have longed for that I now realize I deserve, after all.

Deserving....it is the name of a card I pulled at a Miracle Club Meeting a few months ago. There were pairs of different cards and each of us pulled one. We then showed our cards and were partnered with the other person who drew the same card. I drew the Deserving card and Terry was may partner.

I should say here that as soon as I entered the meeting, Terry was the fist person I saw and the only available seat was next to him. Although I had never met him before, I recognized him right away as an Angel. I knew that he represented someone who was very significant in my life who had passed away in 2003 whom I now believe was also an Angel. This man had chosen a very difficult path in this life, but as much pain and suffering as he put us through, I always understood that what he did was not who he was. His spirit was so gentle and loving - and the life he chose to live was meant to teach us all many great lessons of love, compassion, judgment, forgiveness, loyalty, trust and so much more. When I saw Terry, the same energy came through and it was as if I was looking into the other man's eyes.

When we drew the cards, we were told that our assignment was to call each other once a week and share with each other what we experienced about "deserving". Well, Terry didn't have a phone, so I suggested that every day at 11:11 am, we just send our thoughts to one another and connect that way. We were both very happy with that solution, and so it went... I did think of Terry often after that, although I have not attended another meeting since - not intentionally - I just have never been sent any information about subsequent meetings. As time wore on I began to think of him less and less and eventually forgot about the card entirely.

Anyway, one day a few months later, Terry called me out of the blue and I recognized him immediately. He reminded me about our agreement and the Deserving card. He asked me what I had experienced about being deserving and it was then that I realized how much had changed in those few months. I had changed. I had begun to accept that I am deserving of much more than I had ever thought before. It was quite a moment, connecting with Terry and what I did not realize then was that it was the beginning of a much greater understanding.

And so, the feeling that I am deserving has been a pivotal awareness for me. I realize how I have settled for so much less than what I really wanted and needed because I didn't feel I deserved it. When it comes to material things and people, I must feel deserving of those because I am very fortunate in that area and find it easy to allow nice things and wonderful people to be in my experience, but when it comes to things like being heard, understood, appreciated, valued & accepted just for being me, I have constructed a very elaborate set of circumstances that make it almost impossible for me to feel what thats like. It may be true that others feel they know me on that level, but its the expression of it that has never quite landed in the right place or in the right way for me to accept it. Its so hard to explain, because on the surface layers I DO get it, but deep down in that wounded place that I keep so well hidden, I have never really felt like anyone "gets" me. I know I have constructed a firewall to prevent it, but that only serves to convince me more because deep down I have always believed that if I was worth it, or if I met the right person, they would know how to find me. They would make the effort to come and get me.

I know now that I do deserve to find that somehow. And I deserve all the treasures of the Universe! And I plan to reach for the stars and become the greatest vision that I have for myself. I will not crouch down any longer and allow myself to believe that merely fitting in will make me belong to something. I belong to myself and that is enough. I belong to the Universe and that is everything.

Good Night and Thank You.

Things i want to do before i die (no particular order)

2007-06-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

I feel that I would change/add to a few things on this list, as it was created very hastily as an assignment for a workshop I attended. I understand and encourage the philosophy behind this kind of exercise, but mostly, I find it really hard to come up with things that I'm absolutely sure of, because I find it limiting, as I am constantly evolving. How can I possibly know what is truly out there or possible? Our imaginations can only take us so far, and I have found that what is actually possible is far beyond anything I could have dreamed up for myself. If you asked me to do this 2 months ago, I would have never thought that certain things that I have found since then were waiting for me, and yet I have had some pretty mind-blowing awarenesses and I've been given gifts that I would not have asked for, but that I could not be happier about. Sometimes absolute perfection comes in strange packaging and in a form that we would never guess. And very often, true joy comes with a whole set of contrasting circumstances and emotions which force us to search for the treasure inside, so that we can really appreciate it when we see it.
I'm just grateful that I have an open mind, because I can allow all the limitless possibilities to come through and plop themselves right in front of me. I can dream the biggest dreams, and I yet know that what I have dreamed is only the tip of the iceberg. I expect the universe to deliver so much more than I have imagined, and it always does.

Having said that, here are some things that would seem nice now.

1. experience every corner of the planet, and I mean every corner
2. learn to play the guitar
3. sing in a rock band
4. hang out with the dalai lama
5. have an intimate party with jackson browne
6. realize and experience the ultimate vision of the flowerchild festival
7. live in a small town
8. live in hawaii, amsterdam
9. re-connect with old friends
10. find my mother's family
11. write many books - published would be nice
12. fly
13. study more about philosophy, religion, spirituality
14. experience a true "sangha"
15. start a discussion group with spiritually "open" people from all backgrounds and interests
!6. have a forum to interview famous personalities about their journey of self-discovery
17. forgive everyone and everything
18. go on a bike trip through europe
19. work at an overnight camp
20. yearly vacations with my sister
21. dance at my grandchildren's weddings (great-grandchildren, too)
22. develop a relationship with those who have a great influence on my life, but whom i have never met
23. make a difference in the world
24. speak, teach, write & mentor as many people as possible
25. love, love, love
26. build the home of my heart's desire
27. find a sport that i love
28. ride horses again (fly)
29. do a firewalk
30. find where I belong
31. facilitate and witness peace on the planet
32. watch a baby being born
33. love myself unconditionally
35. live the questions, love the answers
36. write a column
37. have a radio show
more to come...

The Flowerchild Festival…. The Evolution of a Dream

2007-04-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

The fact that I am now about to announce to you that the "second coming" of the Flowerchild Festival will take place this coming May 12th is very exciting for me. Many of you who are close to me, will remember that, in celebration of my 40th birthday, I invited you to share a day of "bohemian splendour" at King View Farm in late November of 2002. The day was created and offered as my gift to friends and family to express my gratitude for all the wonderful things that surround me every day.

Since I was very young, I had looked forward to my 40th birthday. Most people grow up dreading the day they turn the big 4-0, but for some reason - that I could not explain at the time - I knew in my heart that this day would mark one of the very best times in my life. When my father passed away in April of 1997, I began what I call my "conscious" journey and from then on, each year that passed convinced me even more that 40 would be fantastic! As I looked around me then, I was all too aware of my limitless blessings - a loving husband, 4 incredible boys, amazing friends & family and a deeper understanding of who I was! And so, as the actual day finally approached, I knew that I had to do something really special to celebrate - something meaningful that would express the true ME, and the deep appreciation I have for all the blessings in my life.

By the time I actually turned 40 on January 1, 2002, I still had not come up with an idea that felt right, and I refused to have any kind of party until I was inspired with the best way to celebrate. It wasn't until I was almost 41 that the idea finally came to me and when it did, I put the whole thing together - from the idea to the party - in 2 weeks time. It was so effortless, that I knew this was how I was meant to celebrate.

The idea for the Flowerchild Festival came in a flash and in that moment, I knew it was perfect! Even the title took no effort at all. I had been dubbed "the flowerchild" by friends long before and had even chosen that name for my license plate, so it seemed fitting that my celebration should be named for "me".

The plan was to give my friends and family a day of relaxation & rejuvenation and offer them a taste of the various healing and inspirational modalities that I had come to value over my lifetime. Thankfully, I am blessed with knowing some wonderful practitioners who volunteered to offer Yoga, Belly Dancing, Acupuncture, Massage, Numerology and Astrology readings and much more! I could not have been happier that day! The day was a big success and ever since then, I cannot count the times that I have been asked when the next Flowerchild Festival will be!

Well, folks, I'm happy to say that the day has finally arrived and, similar to the original Flowerchild Festival, which celebrated the evolution and empowerment of me as a person, the First Annual Flowerchild Festival on May 12, 2007 will vibrate with the energy and vision of the New & Improved Soul Spa Urban Retreat!

It is about time that Soul Spa should emerge out of our "best kept secret" category and into realizing the fullness of our potential as a Leading Edge Complementary Health Care Centre. As Soul Spa has evolved over the last four years, we have developed a valued reputation with our clientele. We have not always done things perfectly, but we have always maintained our integrity and our vision. We have been dedicated to our own personal and professional development all the while staying true to our philosophy. Just as I wanted to commemorate turning 40 by celebrating my own journey of self-discovery, I believe that it is equally fitting that Soul Spa should do the same.

The vision of the 1st Annual Flowerchild Festival is to unite the general public with merchants, organizations and health care professionals that value the importance of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Our society is hungry for opportunities to learn more about how to live happy, healthy and meaningful lives, and the Flowerchild Festival is one FUN way to make that happen!

From the launch of our new boutique, Aura, to the selection of our Corporate Sponsors, the Flowerchild Festival seeks to promote an Inspired Lifestyle that encourages Personal, Social & Environmental Awareness.

Because you are a person that cares about your quality of life and that of your planet, we know you will join us on May 12, 2007, 11:00 am to 5:00 pm @ 271 Centre Street, between Yonge and Bathurst across from Oakbank Pond in Thornhill to CELEBRATE the coming of age of Soul Spa visit www.flowerchildfestival.com

Daily Prayer - a gift from Horatio & Seth

2007-03-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

Daily Prayer For Tracy
From Horatio & Seth
February 26, 2007

I am one with the universe.

I am a ray of light that shines on all who enter my field.

I am creating my vision, moment by moment.

I am free and I am grateful!

Divine Guidance comes to me easily and with great inspiration. I lovingly open myself to receive the important messages that my guides have for me this day and I bless and cherish the wondrous place that I am at, moment by moment.

I am rejoicing in my connection to, and understanding of, the one-ness of all things.

I am a masterful visionary and I create all good things that bring me peace and joy.

I am monitoring my progress in such a way as to always take notice of how I feel and I am able to allow new and better feeling thoughts to come through easily and in good time.

I am happy and grateful that all that I have whished for is coming through now through an open passage that remains this way for all time.

I am harmonious to all things and all vibrations and I am able to access all levels of consciousness at once, for the good of all humanity.

I am capable, and trust that every decision I make is the right one as it resonates with my guidance system and feels good.

I create powerful miracles, as did the masters who went before me in human form.

I am a living, breathing example of all that is and all that is right with the world.

The universe conspires on my behalf on a daily basis, to deliver all that is good and joyful.

I am manifesting all good things now.

I am a powerful creator of miracles.

The Secret , Law of Attraction and the origins of my Spiritual Beliefs

2007-02-18T13:55:00.000-08:00

What's all this Buzz about The Secret?

Ok, friends, this is HUGE! Can you feel what's happening?

The last few weeks have literally been a dream come true for me. As I watched in amazement on February 16th when Oprah aired a SECOND show about The Secret, only a WEEK after the first one aired on February 8th, I understood that a miracle is truly manifesting.

I know that, like me, many of you have understood the principles of the Secret/Law of Attraction for decades or more and I am sure that you must feel the same way I do about what it means that the world is SO ready for this information. For those of you who are just now learning about the Law of Attraction, it is very likely that you will find something in it that resonates with your own ideas about how the universe works. The beauty of it is that Law of Attractions transcends all religions and offers an underlying truth that can be embraced by anyone who believes that there is a "higher power", regardless of what it is called.

Judging from the overwhelming reaction to Oprah's first show about The Secret, I believe that this is a really powerful indicator of how many people resonated with the information. Oprah described it as all these people having an "A-HA" moment when they saw the show, and when you have an "A-HA" moment, it means that, in that moment, you have recognized a TRUTH that you have ALWAYS known, but may have forgotten. WOW - that makes me tingle all over!

So now, here's what's true for ME in all of this:

Even before The Secret was turned into a book or a movie, and long before it became the most talked about phenomenon on Oprah, I have been blessed with the intimate understanding of Law of Attraction. I believe that I was born with this "knowing" because ever since I was a child, my beliefs have reflected it. I was never raised with any formal religious practices and, even though my religion of choice became Judaism when I was 11 years old, I was only exposed to the "traditional" elements of the religion through holidays and celebrations. What I know now of the religious teachings of Judaism, I later taught myself out of sheer curiosity and a need to prove to myself that I had chosen a religion that fit my inner belief system. When it came to Spirituality, I always knew I believed in a power greater than myself, and always described GOD as being the energy INSIDE of us. Interestingly, this is a discussion I remember having with my best friend at the time, Paula Sypnowich, who was an extremely intelligent person and was being raised as an Atheist. I remember that the subject came up quite often, as we often shared our deepest feelings with one another. I thank her very much for those discussions, as they allowed me to explore what I really felt inside, even though I had no congregation or spiritual leader to guide me. Amazingly, this inner knowing proved to be enough to get me through an extremely dysfunctional childhood.

My stepfather, Jules X Fine ("Julie") often commented on how amazed he was that I turned out so "normal" after all I had lived through. He credited my mother for this, and I have to agree with him - but possibly for some additional reasons that he might not have given. I'm sure what he meant is that my mother was such a genuine, compassionate and unconventional person, who always saw the good in everyone and everything. She was the type of person who always remembered what was important to you and made sure that she made continuous gestures to make you feel valued and loved. When asked what her religion was, she would reply "I am a Humanist - I embrace all religions, yet practice none" and today, I have to say that I absolutely share her belief system. I also thank my mother for being the flawed and vulnerable person that she was who, through her choices impacted my life and tested me in very profound ways. When I look back now, after all the emotional healing that I have done, I am grateful for those experiences. Had they not been a part of my life, I would not have known the ultimate forgiveness that I now feel and I would not be the very unique person that I am today. I know what it is like to not love myself, and I thank the Universe that I can easily recognize it in others today and because I have STILL gone on to become the best person I can be, I can show others, through my personal story, that it is possible for them, too.

Later on, in my early twenties, I discovered the book "On A Limb" by Shirley MacLean. I read this book back and forth on the bus to work and practiced the affirmations given in the book for everything that I wanted to manifest. I remember being very much in love with a co-worker at the time, and spent my 90 minute daily commute chanting inwardly 'I am God in Beauty", I am God in Humour" I am god in Integrity" and anything else that I could think of that would make my co-worker fall in love with me. Even though the situation at the time looked as if our getting together was an absolute impossibility - we began dating within a few months and we have been happily married now for almost 19 years. I had almost forgotten about that period and what I learned from reading "Out On A Limb", but I realize now but it was my first introduction to "Law of Attraction". I asked for what I wanted and acted as if I had already achieved my goal. Against all odds, my wish was granted!

Later on, when I was at the beginning of what I now call my "conscious journey" which began after my Step Father, Julie, died in April of 1997 I was referred to Dr. George Roth, a naturopathic doctor http://www.matrixinstitute.net/ who helped me with a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. I had been going to him for a while and was actually being trained in his "Timeline Repatterning Therapy" technique, when one day, completely out of the blue, he asked me if I had heard of "Abraham". I told him no, other than the Abraham in Judaism. He then pulled out a collection of 11 tapes and explained that I "needed" to hear this information. I was intrigued, and even though the cost was over $200.00 at the time, I bought the tapes and began listening to them.

I have to say that, on first impression it all seemed very bizarre, mostly because this was channelled information, so it was coming from a group of "spirit entities" who called themselves Abraham. I had only recently been introduced to the art of channelling, so I really knew very little about how it worked or what kind of information could be gained from it. But even more strange was the way that the chaneller, Esther Hicks, spoke when she was interpreting the information that Abraham was giving her. I think she was still fairly new at the channelling game when she recorded the tapes, because I now listen to her CD's of the workshops she gives regularly, and she speaks quite like any "normal" person and with a great deal of humour. On the original tapes, the language style with which the information came through was quite "out there" and the delivery was much less engaging, therefore it wasn't that easy to grasp at first. I remember laughing about it with my best friend, Judy, as we would imitate Esther as Abraham. However, once I began to get used to it and was able to really hear the messages, I was truly excited to have some kind of "evidence" from the other side that what I had always believed and practiced was actually a Universal Law!!!

So, you see the principles of Law of Attraction have always come naturally to me, and once I realized what I had always been tapped into, I began to understand how much I could offer others to whom it had not come as easily. I realize now that everything I have been drawn in my life has led me towards a deeper insight and wisdom about how to apply what I know, be it books, workshops, experiences and higher education. As a psychotherapist, I have learned skills that help me to understand where people are at in their lives and how they got there. This knowledge and experience further enhances my abilities to serve others by teaching them what I know and how to apply these teachings.

Over the past year, I have felt the energy shifting, and in the latter part of 2006, it became so clear to me that all of the "junk" that was still left in my "closet" needed to be cast out (and FAST), because the coming year would need my FULL attention.

All at once, beginning in the fall of 2005, I became passionate about "purging" everything that I no longer needed and what was taking up valuable space in my closets and in my life. It started with my possessions at home, and over the course of the next 17 months, I had addressed every conscious, lingering issue that I had been challenged with for most of my life. My quest was for Harmony and Simplicity. I affirmed it regularly and, in true Tracy style, I made sure I followed up on every sign and synchronicity that I was given. Suffice it to say that this period was not an easy one, full of BIG ups and downs, and I am happy a grateful that I am a person who believes that everything happens for a reason. Because of this trust, I am always able to find learning in the "downs", feel deserving of the "ups" and offer gratitude for BOTH.

Finally, in November of 2006, I began to understand that all of the events of the past year or so were beginning to fit together like the pieces of a great puzzle and I realized that it was time to take a few steps back to admire the masterpiece.

Well, here we are in mid-February and I am cosmically blown away! Since the beginning of the year, I have been offered repeated evidence of what this year holds…EVERYONE is talking about it and MANY, if not MOST want to learn more. So, what are we doing about it?

If you are inspired by "Tracy Talks" in our monthly newsletter, you will also enjoy being a part of her monthly discussion groups at Soul Spa. "Wisdom Seekers" gatherings are held one Saturday per month from 2:00 pm-4:00 pm and are created to be an informal gathering place to share ideas about Spirituality,

It begins with TODAY!

2007-02-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

I'd like to welcome everyone out there who is seeking what I have to share. I look forward to adding to this blog regularly, and I expect that there will be some valuable information which will be offered by my guides as well.
My intention is to relay what is true for me TODAY, so that we can all practice living in the only moment that has any power: the PRESENT!
Thank you for you ongoing support and encouragement. I feel your energy and I LOVE it!